You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
