and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
