ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
