The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
