Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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