I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
