your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just forgot I was standing up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
