my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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