I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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