Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
