is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
