you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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