I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
