I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
