Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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