At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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