New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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