you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
