He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
