Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
