we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
