He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
