can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize