There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
