so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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