I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
