He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
