Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Randomize
