YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
