at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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