his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
