the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
