It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
