shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
