just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
