he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
