my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
