so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
