Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
