Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
