He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
