I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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