There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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