3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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