I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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