I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
