this boner is exhausting
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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