those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
