i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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