I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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